Friday, December 09, 2022

Greiving is a process that has no ending

I planned to write it on my page but I decided to post it here. So only my true blog readers will get to read. (Nothing special, I am just thinking that probably writing it out would makes me feels better.) I try my best to be ok since my Dad passed away not too long ago but it seems I am still not completely ok yet. Greiving is a process that has no ending. There are only ups and downs. I know it and I fully accepted it. But I still couldn't look at his photos or I am avoiding the thoughts about him. I don't want to forget him and I will not. But I am still running away from all the memories about him. I know he wants me to be happy, thriving and moving on. So I am just trying to do that but if I think about him, I started to cry. I know it is ok to cry but I don't want to cry. I have many things to rant about relatives and their insensitive remarks for the last journey of my Dad, friends who are only helping on facebook and not showing up actually. Those who I'd like to thanks as well. I want to write it on my blogspot. Not here. (So it'll auto filter out most of toxic comments). But still I am not ok to write about it. It is a circle. Regardless, one thing I feel difference now is I can let things/people go easily. I even had to let go of my dad, I can now let go of people who are not willing to keep me, those fake friends, those who hate me and those who leaves me. I can let everything go to an extent. I feel a little bit better for letting people go. Trying to forgive people to an extent and find peace within myself. Letting go is not forgetting about them or ignoring somebody. Just feeling light and have nothing to feel about them but still accept they were in part of memories of my life. I was born alone and will die alone one day. I will just live my life peacefully and doing things that I enjoy doing. Saying things that I enjoy saying without caring how people would think of me. Or not saying things to explaining myself to worthless people in my life. So if you nikpick what I say or what I do because it bother you or threaten your position, it's your problem and not mine.

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